“God doesn’t want just part of our brokenness; He wants our WHOLE story.”
Throughout my life I have been faced with various problem areas that needed to be “fixed” at one time or another. Once I became a Christian I slowly began to understand that I could turn all of my faults and flaws over to Christ. I knew that it was in His plan to mold me into the person that He wanted me to be. So began a two decade give and take relationship with Him. I would give over my failing of the moment and then I would take it back. Or I would give Him one area while I kept a strong hold on others as if I had control over any of it or as if I possessed the power to make the changes needed on my own.
It wasn’t until I heard an Army chaplain speak on the topic of having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that something finally ‘clicked.’ She said that God wants us to be “whole” in Him. It was if a floodgate opened. At that moment the Holy Spirit convicted me and it was a revelation that I had never known. Most of my life I had tried to prioritize all the things wrong with myself and deal with them. I asked God to lead me with one specific area at a time, thinking that if that one part were taken care of then I would be okay. I would give time to that for awhile and when that didn’t work (or it wasn’t on my own schedule), I would justify “well maybe it’s this part that needs to be worked on instead”. Never once in all of that did I understand it’s not about healing just one aspect of what we struggle with. God wants it ALL. He wants us to be WHOLE in Him.
Whole (adj): Entire – complete, including all parts or aspects, with nothing left out; unbroken – not damaged or broken
Can you imagine living a life that is complete? As in all parts “with nothing left out?” Feeling not one single part of your life unbroken? WHOLE? I couldn’t. It was beyond my comprehension to be a living version of what Christ intended for me to be. Previously, I accepted that the only time I would feel at peace about myself would be when I reached heaven. Yet here I was being told that I could start obtaining that NOW. HERE. ON EARTH! The catch? I had to surrender it all to Him to fix for me. I could no longer hold on to certain elements of my life as my own to restore.
Just as an old home goes through a restoration process brick by brick, we have to undergo a transformation as well. It doesn’t all magically happen at once. It starts with rebuilding the foundation then slowly begins to reach until the entire structure is like new. Unfortunately, we can’t get in a hurry about any of it. The roof can’t be replaced until the support beams are secure. The drywall cant be hung before the electric lines are run and although each area may have been intact before the project started, if it wasn’t able to produce at it’s fullest capacity then it cant be completely utilized. If you cant use two faucets at once because the hot water heater cant keep up or if you blow a breaker every time the hair dryer and ceiling fan run at the same time then the homes purpose of use isn’t being optimized. As with each of God’s children; He wants to be able to use us at our best but in order to help us reach that point we have to allow Him to bring us to our utmost.
Everyone has a story. We all have problems, mistakes, sin, bad decisions or obstacles beyond our control that have broken us, our paths and our spirit. When we become Christians and seek a personal relationship with Him, God doesn’t want just part of our brokenness; He wants our WHOLE story. He wants the parts that hurt the most, cut the deepest and wants us to reach beyond the surface so that when the restoration is finished no part will have been untouched. I’m finding that this process isn’t easy. It means facing demons from the past that have been tucked away. It means admitting to mistakes that I would rather forget and let disappear but the truth is that I know in order to be rid of the pain that hinders me I have to face that which I fear the most. I have an assurance though. As I face all of my past, all that I see “wrong” with myself I know that I am not alone. Titus 2:11-14 tells us “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.”
This stands as a reminder to me that, while I can’t do it alone, through grace I can be the woman that God intended and I can live in peace with my whole story. I’ve shared before that I’ve been moved to begin sharing my testimony. My life as not many know it. It’s through my transparency of things that have happened and things that Ive done that I am reaping the rewards of being freed from the damage that has been done. The wounds are becoming shallow and the burdens being lifted as my WHOLE story is continued through my writing, I encourage anyone who may be experiencing the same to have the courage to let go and let God work in you too. The calm that follows is liberating.
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy – to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. Jude 1:24-25